As we all know, it's Alpha Trion's job to record everything that happens in the Multiverse (past present and future) so he's had to carefully write down all the sugar-powered stupid that just occured
It was my Motherboard's Big Six Zero birthday party on Saturday, so I had to leave super-early and of course it was raining! The first day in weeks
that it rained, I had to stand at various bus / train stops and get soaked!!
By the time I got to my Mother's planet I was soaked and tired, so after helping both my parents with some party decorations we all went for a sleep. Oh but what's this waiting for me in my quarters? Is that two complete bottles of full fat Dr, Pepper? not even lying i had already drunk half of a bottle before we even left for the party
When we arrived at the Partydome it was being decked out in balloons, music, laz0rs (remember this for later) and food (definately remember this for later). Slowly but surely members from various branches of my family tree appeared and began joining in with the fun including a tiny cousin armed with a Postman Pat Transformer! i had already swigged most of a bottle, and sneaked some teh chocolarts from the feeding stations
Once the party was in full swing and the sugar intakes were starting to smoke we noticed extra unknown humans appearing. Who did they belong to? What were they doing? Could they be Autobutt spies? Nope, turns out there was a Big Five Zero party in another part of the building so it was Tag Team Team Up PPAARRTTAAYYY TTTIIIEEEMMM!! The stray meatbags weren't causing any trouble, and thanks to the powers of Very High Grade there were soon about 548473 humans all dancing along to some epic 80s tracks if dr. pepper was alcoholic there would be one single mullet surrounded by 548472 smouldering craters
And this is the part I hope Alpha Trion wrote in the margin in really tiny writing, so it doesn't traumatise future generations... the inflatable microphone, laz0rs, sugar, and rude dance moves all appeared at once. There was no warning, there was no escape, there was no mercy. I got my tiny little 4' 8" Nan doing the moves from "You and Me Baby aint Nothing but Mammals" and half the other fluxed humans joined in
. It was perfection, all these sloshed strangers trying their bossest moves surrounded by laz0rs and endless food
By the end of the night there were only a few relatives left standing (the younger ones had returned to a strange world called "Bed" and the older ones just couldn't keep up) so the DJ made a few Special Announcements! First, we had another birthday
because it was after midnight, then it was a collection of Earth music, then the last song of the night was "We Are Sailing". Now of course you're wondering how the sl*g you get from "Sexy and I Know It" through "Simply the Best" into "We Are Sailing" but there's a good excuse... it's my Grandad's dirge (funeral theme) so everyone joined forces to sing it
Pffffhahahahahaaa, did you really think the party ended there?? Of course not.
As my clan prepared to come home they realised that they don't have to drive, nobody had work the next day, and the bar was still serving alcohol. When they actually, for reals, finally did come home at just after 3AM (not a typo) hey were absolutely sh!tfaced, it was awesome. I think that's about the drunkest any living thing can get
So you see, whether he wants to or not, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, poor old Alpha Trion had to write...And lo, TEH MULL3T did twerketh in a manner whch was sideways, fall down upon the wheezing, and summon an air guitar worthy of Odin into existence beneath a bended knee. We shall not speak of the journey home, for warriors such as these do not obstruct passing vehicles, nor disgrace the Old Songs with their wailing. It is hoped that with the great passage of time this humble rock shall restore its supplies of sugar and alcohol. I can't
I think the next big party is my Dad's Six Zero, so stay tuned